Sasuke's Answering Phone
by K.K. Phoenix
Summary: Sasuke has an answering phone. What kind of weird messages are left? The sixth part is up! Hope it's funneh! Please read and review! Hope you like it! Sasuke's back!
1. Sasuke's message: Part 1

Author's Note: I don't own anything. I just had to write this down. It's probably a little out of character. Sorry about that. You may be hinted by a few dirty ideas in this. So beware of a little strong language, and stuff.

**Sasuke's Answering Machine**

o.O.O.o.o.O.O.o

**Sasuke's Message:**

Hello this is Sasuke. If you are Naruto, leave me the Hell alone. If you are Kakashi, how did you reach this number? If you are Sakura, stop asking me out. If you are Orochimaru, you damn pedophile need to leave me alone! Molest someone else! If you are Itachi, I think I killed you so leave me alone. Stop haunting my dreams! If you are a fangirl, this is Joe, Joe who lives on a farm in the middle of nowhere. If you are a hater you may leave a decent message. I won't kill you. Thank you very much. **(Beep)**

**Message 1:**

(Fangirl) Sasuke, I love you! I want to have your babies! **(beep)**

**Message 2: **

(Ino) Sasuke! I love you! I miss you! Call me, sweety! I'll be waiting for our sweet talk!** (beep)**

**Message 3:**

(Sasuke Hater) Where is Itachi? As an Itachi fangirl, I want your ass dead! Look what you did to Itachi! I'm going to beat your ass! **(beep)**

**Message 4:**

(Orochimaru) I think I've found a way to have an Uchiha child. Sasuke I will need you..Bwahahaha...Please reply to this. This is not any horny old perverted man who wants your body. **(beep)**

**Message 5:**

(Naruto) I'm going to beat you, you better believe it! I know you hate that line so BELIEVE IT! BELIEVE IT! BELIEVE IT!BELIEV...**(beep)**

Note to self: I must shove my foot up Naruto's ass. I mean that quite literally.

**Message 6: **

(Sakura) Sasuke I've been kidnapped by these people! Save me Sasuke! **(beep)**

**Message 7:**

(Mary Sue) Konichiwa Sasuke-kun! Will you like go out with me, koi? I have a kawaii teddy bear of you! I'll bring it out date! Aishiteru! Sayounara! **(beep)**

Note to self: Must kill Mary Sue! I need a bazooka!

**Message 8:**

(Rock Lee) I will win my maiden's heart! Sakura is my beloved. I have pledged my undying love to her. I will have her become my own.** (beep)**

Note to self: Hm...If he loves her so much why doesn't he go save her? 

**Message 9:**

(Kakashi) Your mission today is to save Sakura. This wasn't one of her tricks. She really got kidnapped**. (beep)**

Note to self: And I should care why?

**Message 10: **

(Kakashi) Move it Sasuke. That's a command. (beep)

Note to self: Whatever loser.

**Message 11: **

(Itachi) Foolish little brother, you'll never kill me. Oh why the reason I called. Deidara is asking about his hairbrush did you steal it? (beep)

Note to self: Bastard. Must remember to put more explosives in his house. Hn..I didn't take Deidara's hairbrush. 

**Message 12:**

(Mary Sue) Konichiwa, kawaii Sasuke-kun! It is me, Mary Sue again! I stole Deidara's hairbrush. Hee Hee! I use it to brush my kawaii kitsune. (beep)

Note to self: That evil woman! Stop the madness! I really need to get a bazooka!

o.O.O.o.o.O.O.o

Author's Note: Please read and review! I'll write chapter two soon if I gets reviews.


	2. Sasuke's message: Part 2

Author's Note: Still don't own anything. This chapter might be a little horrible. Saying sorry ahead of time. Sorry any grammar mistakes or spelling errors. A few hinted dirty ideas. Saying sorry for all the above.

Sasuke's-01-girl - You want Sasuke ooc? Let's see if I can do that. 

Earthsoftenstheflame - Yeah, definitely it was part of the plan. I'll have him get other people's messages.

Kuri-And-KURI-company - XD I know a little bit of japanese.

mugi - Yup. Kakashi and Naruto always fun to mess with. XD

InosBane - Thank you.

Bladexeno94 - Do you mean characters from other shows to message him? Cause I can do that. 

TRICKSTERBEATSALL - I love pie and pizza. You made me very hungry with your review. XD

Lucairo Lownethal - Thank you. I'm definitely going to continue. Here's the next part. 

Thanks much to my reviewers! You're so kind! XD I love the reviews and reviewers. Hee Hee. On with the next part.

o.O.O.o.o.O.O.o

**Sasuke's new message:**

Hello this is not Sasuke. My name is Joe, okay. I live on a farm in Smallville. I repeat this is NOT Sasuke. If you're Orochimaru please kindly move yourself off my property before I have to call the 800 number for you. Pedophiles like you shouldn't be on the streets let alone shouldn't be using phones. If this is Kakashi stop asking me to do those missions. Such as asking me to buy you a perverted book, find you a stripper..etc. Naruto, if you leave a believe it message again, I'll show you believe it with my bazooka. If you call me Itachi, please beware of Mary Sue, she's out of the mental institute again. Not that I care about your safety. One last thing fangirls please look for me in Smallville. A farm in Smallville. If you'd like to leave a hate message feel free to do so. Thank you all for listening to this message done by Joe.** (beep)**

**Message 1:**

(Darth Vader) Luke...(breathes heavily) Luke...(breathes heavily) I'm your father, Luke Skywalker...(breathes heavily) **(beep)**

Note to self: What The Fudge?

**Message 2:**

(Naruto) Is your refrigerator running? If so, BELIEVE IT!! BELIEVE IT!!** (beep)**

Note to self: That bazooka is going up your ass.

**Message 3:**

(Mary Sue) Ohayo gozaimasu, koi. It is your hime. Sasuke-kun I waited for you all night, you stood me up. You made me sad, sad real sad. SAD is BAD! **(beep)**

**Message 4:**

(Mary Sue) I repeat SAD is BAD, Sasuke-kun.** (beep)**

**Message 5:**

(Sakura) Why haven't you come to save me yet? I'm still being kidnapped by him. HIM. **(beep)**

Note to self: I still don't care.

**Message 6:**

(Sakura) He has your brother. HIM. He plans to kill him. **(beep)**

Note to self: Alfred, get my batmobile. No one is going to kill Itachi but ME.

**Message 7:**

(Orochimaru) I'm not moving off your property. Sasuke-kun I just need to do a few experiments to complete the creation of an Uchiha child. Please reply to this. **(beep)**

**Message 8:**

(Kagome) Sit, boy! Inuyasha, you better not be running off to Kikyo. Sit boy! Sit boy! **(beep)**

Note to self: Stop it!! Damn it!! Stop saying Sit boy! Why do I keep falling on my ass? Stop saying that line!

**Message 9:**

(Plumber) Mister Itachi Uchiha we found the problem with your showerhead. It is broken, we can fix it for you if you'd kindly pay the past sixty-seven bills. **(beep)**

Note to self: Itachi? Why is there a message for Itachi? What the Hell? Bastard!

**Message 10:**

(Rock Lee) Sasuke, we need to talk. There's some rumors going on about you and my woman. My Sakura! She is not yours, she is mine. **(beep)**

**Message 11:**

(People from the mental institute) This is Mary Sue the eighth, I'd like for you to please help us with our search. We're looking for two men named Itachi Uchiha and Orochimaru. Please send us any information about these two men by reaching us at 1-800-COCO-PUFFS. This is vital that you send us any information on these two men. These two men can be a great danger to anyone that they come in contact with. **(beep)**

**Message 12:**

(Itachi high off chocolate) Have I told you lately how much I love you? Eh, foolish little brother?** (beep)**

Note to self: Where's my ambien? I definitely need some sleeping pills now.

o.O.O.o.o.O.O.o

Author's Second Note: Hee Hee! If you liked the chapter or hated it..REVIEW! XD Please read and review!! I'll get the next part up soon.


	3. Naruto's message: Part 1

Author's Note: I will never own anything. I'm so sad about Itachi-sama. The fight was good, still Poor Itachi-sama! I'm an Itachi lover but I'm also a Sasuke lover too! XD Everytime I read those past chapters it makes me sad. Sorry getting back to the point. This chapter is probably bite due to the fact that I'm playing on gaiaonline and writing it. I'm so possessed with gaiaonline. Anyhow you know the drill with this story. XD

o.O.O.o.o.O.O.o

Abby - Thank you!

Kuri-And-KURI-company - Domo arigatou!

Thanks much to my reviewers! (Gives cookies)

o.O.O.o.o.O.O.o

**Sasuke's (??) message:**

This is Sasuke. Your favorite emo boy! You know where I live at the corner of the Kentucky Fried Chicken Drive, so come stalk me! But not today, because I'm at the nail salon! I'm having my nails done! Yes, Itachi, getting my nails done! Orochimaru, get off the property and you can find me at the nail salon! FYI Sakura, I love you! You're my favorite girl! BELI...If you'd like to leave a message feel free to believe...I mean leave it!!**(beep)**

**Message 1:**

(Monkey D. Luffy) I'm going to be king of the pirates!...Wrong number. **(beep)**

**Message 2:**

(Kakashi) This isn't the time to be playing at Sasuke's house. You have a mission to attend to!**(beep)  
**

**Message 3:**

(Fangirl) You're not Sasuke!! You don't sound hot!! You fake!!(**beep)**

Note to self: I could be Sasuke if I wanted. I only need black eyeliner and black clothing.

**Message 4:**

(Kisame) I'm sorry for Itachi's behavior yesterday. He didn't know what he was saying. He was high. **(beep)**

Note to self: (giggles) No way! Itachi is a drunk! I always knew it with a brother like Sasuke can you blame him? Believe it!

**Message 5:**

(Kisame) He was high off chocolate. These foolish human ear pieces are so confusing. Hitting one button causes another to do something very odd. **(beep)**

**Message 6: **

(Mary Sue) S is for smoking hot! A is for his ass! S is for his scandolous ways! U is U know you love me! K is for kiss me! E is for everything about you drives me wild! Put it together and what does it spell? SASUKE! My totemo kirei Sasuke! You like it, koi? I called to tell you that I've forgiven you! So I'll meet you at the nail salon! Sayounara!** (beep)**

Note to self: HaHa HaHa!! Believe it, Sasuke! That girl's crazy for you! (giggles)

**Message 7:**

(Itachi) You're not my otouto! Is that you, Naruto? **(beep)**

Note to self: Eeeppp!! He can read minds!

**Message 8:**

(Inuyasha) Naraku, you bastard! This is where you live! I'm coming to give your ass a beatdown! **(beep)**

Note to self: Huh? My name's Naruto not Naraku! What the Hell? Wait, Huh??

**Message 9:**

(Sasuke) Get out of my house, dobe. **(beep)**

**Message 10:**

(Mojo Jojo) Hahahahahaha!! I Mojo Jojo known as the future ruler will see to it that I Mojo Jojo will rule because I Mojo Jojo know that I Mojo Jojo will become supreme. Powerpuff girls you must fear the almighty Mojo Jojo, because I Mojo Jojo will find a solution to the problem that only I Mojo Jojo can solve by defeating you powerpuff gir.. **(beep)**

Note to self: Who does he remind me of?

**Message 11:**

(Dude from the Carshop) Dude, man totally man. Your car is like wacked, man. You going to need a new ride, man. Dude, like we can get you this new batmobile. We can make it like all black, I mean dude what do you do with this ride? At night man, are you Batman or something? Man, you can come pick up a new batmobile like tomorrow or something cause dude, yeah this is like so crack wack. **(beep)**

Note to self: Sasuke is Batman? Wait, where's Alfred?

A man dressed in a suit and tie walked into the room, holding a tray in his hand, with a towel folded over his shoulder.

"Did you ring?" the man plainly asked, placing the tray on a table, before dusting portraits on the wall.

Note to self: What the Hell? Wait, who am I? Wait, does that make Orochimaru the joker or something? Don't tell me I'm Robin?

**Message 12:**

(Hinata) Ah...Um...Sasuke...I..ah...well...It's true...I LOVE NARUTO!!..yeah..I'm like so..scared of telling him.. **(beep)**

Note to self: NO WAY!

Inner self: YEAH WAY!

Note to self: O REALLY?

Inner self: YEAH REALLY!

o.O.O.o.o.O.O.o

Author's Second Note: Did you like that chapter? Or hate it? Well keep reading and reviewing! (goes back to playing on gaiaonline) Also, I really think something like this would need to happen for Naruto to know Hinata likes him. XD I'll get the next chappie up some time later.


	4. Naruto's message: Part 2

Author's Note: I don't own Naruto, I don't own the lyrics to Dora The Explorer, nor do I own the lyrics of Hey Mickey. Tired now! Spending way too much time on gaiaonline has taken a portion of my brain out. XD Madara has Sasuke-kun...o.o Everyone knows the drill with this. I'm horrible with grammar, spelling etc...So that's that. XD And one more thing another new special guest. XP

o.O.O.o.o.O.O.o

Loor of the Sand - Thank you! Gaara and his siblings? o.O I got an idea!!

number1sasunarufan - Thank you!

x.x.x.angelic.suicide.x.x.x - Thanks! Poor Sasuke-kun! Yesh call the ambulance!

Queen-of-doomsday-prophecies - Thank you! Yeah, gaia is very distracting XP

Earthsoftenstheflame - Thank you!

Kuri-And-KURI-company - Arigato gazaimasu! lol Naruto's the only person who can make him sound gay. XD Double yay for Batman!

Thanks to meh luffleh reviewers!! (gives out chocolate chip cookies)

o.O.O.o.o.O.O.o

**Sasuke's (??) message:**

(music being played in the background)

Dora Dora The Explorer!!

Boots, that super cool explorer, Dora!!

Need your help!

Grab Your backpacks!!

Let's go! Jump in!! Vamonos!

You can lead the way!

Hey Hey!!

do-do-do-do-dora!  
do-do-do-do-dora!  
do-do-do-do-dora!  
do-do-do-do-dora!

Swiper no swiping!  
Swiper no swiping!

(music stopped)

HeHeHe!! This is your Dora The Explorer lover formerly known as Sasuke. Bel...ieve...i...t Hee Hee!! Your Barney lover has been kidnapped by angry mob of girls. If you want to find me, come to the mall on the corner of Burger King and Mcdonald's drive, that's where I've been taken to. Colorful clothing!! Hahahaha!! Please be-leave a special message for me after the beep. I love you, you love me!! Barney's words!! Hehehe!! **(beep)**

**Message 1:**

(Gaara) Barney...I'm going to kill you Barney...You gave me nightmares. All that talk about "love"... **(beep)  
**  
**Message 2:**

(Kakashi) Naruto, you have a mission to attend to! You have to save Sasuke from the mob that went after him at the nail salon. I wonder how they found him, do you, Naruto?** (beep)**

Note to self: No. I don't know. I wonder how! Heheehee!! Oh well, Believe it Sasuke! That's what you get!!

**Message 3:**

(Itachi lover) Bastard!! Only bastards like Barney!! Is it for Barney that you killed our almighty Itachi?? **(beep)**

**Message 4:**

(Doctor Julio Richardo Montoya De LaRosa Ramirez) Hello, Mr. Uchiha. This is Doctor Julio Richardo Montoya De LaRosa Ramirez. I see that you've missed our appointment, I'm quite surprised at that. Due to the fact that you wanted this appointment so greatly. But you do realize that missing our prior engagement is going to cost five thousand, eight hundred, ninety-nine dollars? You should've called and spoke with me, saying that you couldn't have attended the appointment. Yet, I strongly advise that you come by my office today. Your condition may worsen, you may start becoming emo, and obsessed with revenge. To the point where you may actually kill someone. So how about you come to my office and we get you a stronger drug. Goodbye. **(beep)**

Note to self: What a long ass name! Sasuke has a doctor?? An Italian doctor? From like France?? Believe it!!

**Message 5:**

(Kankuro) Naruto, you know where Gaara is? He watched an episode of Barney a few days ago and he kind of lost it. **(beep)**

**Message 6:**

(Ino) This is for you Sasuke!! I'll show you, Mary Sue!!

Oh Sasuke, you're so fine!!

You're so fine, you blow my mind, Hey Sasuke, Hey Sasuke!!

Oh Mickey, you're so fine!! **(beep)**

Note to self: HaHaHaHah!! She sounds horrible. Sakura would laugh if she heard the singing! Hahahaha!!

**Message 7:**

(Sakura) I'm still kidnapped by Mojo Jojo. Someone save me. And by that I mean Sasuke not you NARUTO!!** (beep)**

Note to self: Sakura, why? Why, Sakura? But I love you!! Wait, who is Mojo Jojo? Oh, right that guys who says his name over and over.

**Message 8:**

(Sasuke) Dobe, I swear to you that I'm going to shove a sword up your ass for this. They have me in a mall!! The colors are blinding me! Damn you, baka. Being with Sakura doesn't sound like a bad thing now.**(beep)**

Note to self: Bwahahaha!! Emo Sasuke no more, Rainbow Sasuke. That's what you get for shipping my ramen to New Mexico, or Australia, or Brazil, or where ever it is.

**Message 9:**

(Dude from the car-shop) Dude, man like woah man. I told you, dude, like come on down to like the radical shop. Like woah dude, we can so totally get you like this new ride. So dude man, let's you back to like you know fighting crime and woah. Like dressing in black, and woah dude. Batman, dude where are you man? We got to like send a Batman signal to like bring you down here dude? **(beep)**

**Message 10:**

(Darth Vader) I have called to tell you something (breathes heavily) It is time that (breathes heavily) you know the truth (breathes heavily) I am not Luke's father(breathes heavily) I am your father (breathes heavily) I am **(beep)**

Note to self: Wait, is he my father? Or is he Sasuke's father?

**Message 11:**

(Girls who stalk Naruto) Naruto, koi! We want to have your babies!! **(beep)**

At the mention of babies, Naruto happened to become unconscious. Laying on the floor, the person to take the lead role in this for the time being is...(plays Dun Dun Dun music)

**Message 12:**

(Temari) Naruto, you idiot where is Gaara? You know you better have a good reason for my brother's disappearance. Otherwise I'm going to beat your ass. What do you say to that, Naruto? **(beep)**

Note to self: How troublesome. It's "that" woman. All she does is talk and talk. Yawn. Doesn't she get tired of opening that big mouth of hers?

o.O.O.o.o.O.O.o

Author's Note: YAY!! Love my reviewers! So keep reading and reviewing!! If you like it or hate it. I'll keep this going until the day I become sane. XD You all know who that special guest is? XD (goes back to gaiaonline)


	5. Shikamaru's message: Part 1

Author's Note: I don't own Naruto, or Rumpelstinskin or William Hung, Miroku, or the Powerpuff Girls or Pikachu. Sorry for grammar mistakes and spelling errors. Sorry for the delayed chapter. I was out most of the yesterday cause people were fixing shutters on all of the windows of our house. I get easily annoyed by the knocking of hammers and such, so yeah. Worst part is they're not even done. Okay, sorry for making you bored with that. Didn't even get to go on gaiaonline. T-T

o.O.O.o.o.O.O.o

x.x.x.angelic.suicide.x.x.x - lol, Me too. I'll like a fangirl for all of them

Hillarious Tragedy - Yesh, gaia is teh awesome. it rox, but rots my brain. XP

number1sasunarufan - That's their job. Brighten up everyone's day. Hee

Sasuke's-01-girl - I will try, just got to think of something good to add in.

Earthsoftenstheflame - I promised Shikamaru a bed, so he said he'd take over. lol

Thanks so much to my reviewers!! (gives out sugar cookies) I'm a little shocked that it's made over 1000 hits. Either it's interesting, or people keep hitting the wrong button. XD

o.O.O.o.o.O.O.o

**Sasuke's (??) message:**

Hello, (yawn) this is someone who needs some sleep. My name is Rumpelstinskin, okay. Please don't call this number while I'm sleeping. It will be quite troublesome to have to wake up and answer this phone call. It will also be a bother to hear the phone ringing. If you're a loud mouth person, I will call the police for you. If you're looking Sasuke, you may find him kidnapped in the mall. Until then, thank you for listening to this message done by Rumpelstinskin. Now it is time for a nap.**(beep) **

The tired shinobi let out a long yawn. He grabbed for the earmuffs sitting beside Narutos unconscious body. He put them on, heading off for the bed. As Shikamaru laid down, he quickly fell asleep.

**Message 1: **

(Temari) Shikamaru, where is Gaara? You hear me? Wake your ass up! If you don't answer I swear I'm going to invite myself over and give you a specialized beatdown! **(beep)**

"Not her again. So loud. Too loud."

**Message 2:**

(Mary Sue) Moshi Moshi, Sasuke-kun, are you really in the mall kidnapped by those evil girls, my koi? Your hime is missing you. I'm so sad. I once told you SAD is BAD! Do you know what that means? A little kawaii neko had to die because I miss you. Sayounara. **(beep)**

**Message 3:**

(Pikachu) Pika..Pika...Pikachu!! Pika...Pika...Pikachu!!

In the background Pikachu was electricuting Mojo Jojo.

"I Mojo Jojo, will not except this kind of behavior. Because I Mojo Jojo, as future ruler, I Mojo Jojo will conquer you, and you and you. The great Mojo Jojo who is I will as always conquer the Pokemon making I Mojo Jojo the conquerer of the world. The world is mine for the taking because I Mojo Jojo... **(beep)**

Shikamaru picked up a pillow and threw it at the answering phone. The continued talking that Mojo Jojo was doing was interrupting his nap.

"How troublesome. Talking and more talking. That guy reminds me of Naruto." Shikamaru commented.

**Message 4: **

(Miroku) Hello friend, do you have a sister? A healthy sister, or girlfriend? If so, it is urgent that you return this call. This woman may meet the requirements for baring my children. **(beep)**

**Message 5:**

(Mary Sue) My koi, is it true? Is it true? Are you secretly meeting Sakura at? How could you, Sasuke-kun! Betraying me like that! We had so much! Our relationship was really getting somewhere. I was getting help for all my attempts on beating up people who came near to you. Now you've crushed me! Your hime is so very upset. **(beep)**

**Message 6:**

(Dude at the place with the thing and the thing) Woah, man! Woah! Cowabunga, dude! Let's go surfing! Sasuke, dude get a surfing board. Like woah, totally. Righteous, man. The waves are totally rocking. Come on dude, catch a wave. It's so radical! Dude, Sasuke like who's that Rumpelstinskin man. He your daddy or nothing? Woah, man. **(beep)**

"That guy is even worse than the other one. Where does Sasuke find these friends? I thought Sasuke was anti-social." Shikamaru pondered for a moment, going back to sleep.

**Message 7:**

(Babies B Us representative) Mr. Uchiha, shoplifting clothing and toys will not be tolerated. Please kindly return the clothing and toys, before drastic measures must be taken. One more thing, you may keep the pink dress with red hearts on it. **(beep)**

**Message 8:**

(William Hung) Shake yur bom, bom. Shake ur bom bum. Shake your bom.. **(beep)**

**Message 9:**

(Itachi) Otouto, being that you're at the mall there's a bill that you'll be paying for me. Kisame I told you to wear the dress. So you're wearing it. **(beep)**

"Good job, Itachi. You're giving Sasuke something to do. Yawn."

**Message 10:**

(Two Valley Girls) Sasuke! Like no wai! Ya wai! No wai! Ya wai! No wai! Oh My Gosh ya wai!!**(beep)**

**Message 11:**

(Professor Utonium) Sugar, Spice and everything nice. Ta dah! The new improved Powerpuff Girls! Don't worry mayor, the Powerpuff Girls will save the town from Mojo Jojo. **(beep)**

"Whoop Dee Doo." Shikamaru rolled his eyes.

**Message 12:**

(Sasuke) My name is not Rumpelstilskin! My name is Joe! I live on a farm! When I get out of here, somebody is going to get a freaking monkey shoved up their ass. Dobe and accomplice I'm going to go all sharingan on your asses. **(beep)**

"Oh great, it's him. Nagging like an old woman in a wheelchair who's lost some teeth and has gone bald." Shikamaru muttered in his sleep.

o.O.O.o.o.O.O.o

Author's Note: Just a quickie chapter, hopefully it made sense. But as always please read and review! Hee Hee!


	6. Sasuke's message: Sasuke's back

Author's Note: Still I do not own Naruto. Sorry for any future grammar errors or spelling errors. Working to get the ancient katana on gaiaonline along with being sick. Yucky sickly! So sorryz about missing a chapter last week, I really don't like to mess with stories when I'm sick. I make them too way out of character.

o.O.O.o.o.O.O.o

x.x.x.angelic.suicide.x.x.x - Joe was the best wasn't he? XP Thank you

Manyara - Thanks

Hillarious Tragedy - I agree math is pointless and gaia does rot that out. XDD

Earthoftenstheflame - Definitely! Sasuke should totally wear that pink dress and lighten up

anonomys - Oh yesh, that is the question who is Darth Vader's true son. XP

Thanks to meh reviewers!! (gives out chips) Wowz, people really are hitting the wrong button. XDD

o.O.O.o.o.O.O.o

**Sasuke's new improved message: **

Hello, this is Joe. I know that it's been a long time. Working on the farm in Smallville has kept me quite busy. I repeat this IS Joe. The one who lives and farms in Smallville. Due to a series of unfortunate events I have not been able to reply to my messages. All in all, I still will not reply to any of the messages. Understand this, if you have tampered with my belongings in any way I will make you pay. That means you Naruto. And you too Rumpelstinskin...I mean Shikamaru. By any chance if your name is Orochimaru I will have Bob the Builder remove you off my property with a crane. Either that or I will call Itachi's plumber. Pedophiles like you do not have a place in my heart, or living on my vacant property. If you are Rock Lee, please do not call this number. The one night you saw me with Sakura meant nothing. I repeat it meant NOTHING. Do you believe me now? If you are a hyperactive dobe named Naruto, put that bloody BELIEVE IT crap to rest, before I do that. Speaking of which, Naruto if you dare return in my house you will die. I assure you that much. If your name is Mary Sue, I'm not the one you want. The one you want is named Orochimaru. And to the fangirls who went to my nail salon and kidna...I mean any fangirls out there, please look for Sasuke Uchiha at the ramen shop. If you'd like to leave a message, being that you are none of the above people, feel free to do so. Thank you for listening to Joe Montana. **(beep)**

**Message 1:**

(Naruto) Sasuke, I didn't tamper with your belongings. I tampered with people's heads. BELIEVE IT! **(beep)**

**Message 2:**

(Mary Sue) Konichiwa Sasuke-kun!! My Sasuke-kun!! My koi! I was coming to save you. But this kawaii little neko walked by and I couldn't help but crush it. It looked so pretty! But no one is as kawaii as my kitsune Naru...I mean no one's as kawaii as you. Sayounara! **(beep)**

Note to self: No...No...No...! It's her! I thought I got rid of her..Wait did she say Naru..?

**Message 3:**

(Kakashi) This is no time to be planning to kill Naruto. Sasuke you need to get my book. Without that book, I'll never the truth, I'll never find out what happens. **(beep)**

**Message 4:**

(Inuyasha) Naraku! Trying to hide behind the name Joe. I don't buy it! Try being a little more convincing, you bastard!** (beep)**

**Message 5:**

(Doctor Julio Richardo Montoya De LaRosa Ramirez) Hello, Mr. Uchiha I mean Joe. I see that you've returned. This is Doctor Julio Richardo Montoya De LaRosa Ramirez. Your recent missions must've weakened you. Are you seeing bunnies hopping on clouds or ponies riding into the cheese imporiums? If any of those side effects show up you may need to come to my office immediately. We may need to treat you with a newer and stronger drug. Yet I strongly advise you visit my office to be sure. Goodbye.** (beep)**

**Message 6:**

(Ino) Sasuke? Is it true? Did you really go and marry an Irish priest who was hat dancing in Mexico? Sasuke might I add, are you in love with Kakashi? Did you steal someone's boxers? **(beep)**

Note to self: What the Fudging..? Naruto!! The damn dumbass...who else could be responsible..

**Message 7:**

(Fangirls) Come with us, Sasuke-kun! Colorful clothing. Pretty colorful clothing. It blinds you. Mwuahahahaha!! Green, Yellow, Pink especially!! Rainbow!! **(beep)**

Note to self: Noooo!! Must have black clothing...Emo...

**Message 8:**

(Naruto) Rainbow Sasuke, are you having fun? Like I said earlier that's what you get for shipping my ramen to New Mexico, or Australia, or Brazil, or where ever you shipped it. BELIEVE IT, you jackass. **(beep)**

Note to self: Bloody dumbass. I am so freaking shoving that sword up your ass now!

**Message 9:**

(Dora The Explorer) Dora Dora The Explorer

Boots, that super cool explorer

Dora!!Need your help!

Grab Your backpacks!!

Let's go! Jump in!! Vamonos!

You can lead the way! **(beep)**

Note to self: Dora...Well atleast it's not Barney.

**Message 10:**

(Orochimaru) Sasuke-kun. I'm disappointed that you feel that way. But I will respect your wishes. I will remove myself off your property. Instead I will have Kabuto live on your property watching your every single move. When you decide that you will have an Uchiha child, ring me up. Until then, please look outside. Kabuto is standing there with a pot and pan in his hands. This message was not done by a horny perverted pedophile. **(beep)**

Note to self: What the Hell? He's really out there.

**Message 11:**

(Itachi) Foolish little brother, you still don't get it. You need to wear that pink dress. It is a must! When you were born, they mistook you for a girl. That is what you are, Sasuke. A girl! Wear the dress, foolish little brother. **(beep)**

**Message 12:**

(Dude from the place next to the place with the thing and the other thing) Sasuke, my main man. He's got him. He's totally got him. I mean totally. Like totally, man! Sasuke, man! You need to save Naruto. If you don't save Naruto, that guy HIM will kill him. Not HIM, but him. HIM will kill him. You know HIM? And you know the other him. HIM is going to kill that him. Now you get it. **(beep)**

Note to self: You heard that Alfred? Get the batmobile. I refuse to have anyone but I..Sasuke Uchiha. The one and only Sasuke Uchiha will be the one, because I Sasuke Uchiha will kill Naruto. No one besides I, will be doing that.

o.O.O.o.o.O.O.o

Author's Note: Hope it was still worth your time. If you're wondering how Sasuke escaped, it will all be revealed eventually. Please read and review.


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